Catch up on the first part here:
Let’s Talk About Suffering (introduction)
Our beliefs about suffering have a major impact on how we experience suffering. Different second-tier theological constructs will explain the finer points of suffering in different ways and from different assumptions, but theologically and rationally, there a some things that are true about suffering no matter the finer points of your theology.
1. Suffering is guaranteed in a fallen world, and we are not promised that we will see the resolution of our suffering in our lifetime.
In Genesis, we see that the fall broke the perfection that God created. Throughout scripture, we see God’s people groaning under the weight of that brokenness. Maybe it’s our innate longing for the way things were before the fall, but today it seems the prosperity gospel has tentacles reaching out everywhere, sneaking into our hearts and minds and whispering, “following Jesus means your life shouldn’t be hard”.
But life is hard.
Jesus himself promised us that life would be hard. In John 16, Jesus is telling his disciples what’s about to go down, and reminding them of the hope they have in him. But he also reminds them that in this world, they will have trouble.
In his first chapter, James says we should consider it pure joy when we face trials of many kinds. In chapter 1 of his first book, Peter reminds his readers of all that we are promised, though they are now having to “suffer grief in all kinds of trials.” In Romans 5, Paul reminds us that we should glory in our suffering because of what it will produce in us.
Over and over again, we are told that we will suffer in this life. Suffering is normal. Acknowledging the inevitability of suffering can calm the frantic search for a way out that may result if we think it shouldn’t be happening in the first place.
And. We are also promised that suffering will one day end. Revelation 21:4 promises that death, mourning, crying and pain have an expiration date. Bring it on!
2. Suffering is complex. There are many kinds of suffering, and many layers to the resulting grief.
Suffering can stem from a wide range of causes: loss of a loved one, health issues, mental health issues, loss of a job, social ostracization or persecution for beliefs, accidents, poverty, abuse, natural disasters, other traumatic events, and on and on.
Though someone’s suffering may fall under a particular broad category (“health” for example) there are many parts and layers to suffering. There’s the event (the thing that happened or continues to happen), there’s what the event directly cost you or continues to directly cost you (what existing things directly related to the event were or continue to be taken from you, and all the could have beens that will now definitely never be), and there’s the ripple effect, numerous ways the tentacles of hard show up in ways we didn’t expect (changed bodies and minds, changed relationships, changed financial situation, changed view of God, etc, etc).
For example (this is not a pity grab, it’s just the situation I am most familiar with), nine years ago, my body stopped working correctly and I came down with a host of issues involving infection and immune dysfunction (the initial event). I continue to experience a myriad of bizarre neurological symptoms along with fatigue and pain on a daily basis (in this case, the event is ongoing not one-and-done).
These symptoms have affected and continue to affect my ability to make firm plans (whether a long-term commitment like a job, or something as short as grabbing coffee), my ability to drive, my ability to be the wife I would like to be and my ability to start a family. They affect my friendships, my ability to be fun and spontaneous, and my participation in church life and community. They affect fundamental things you may take completely for granted, like sleeping and eating. They have killed career and life dreams I used to have.
And my losses ripple into many other areas of my life- my husband has to pick up my slack, my body has changed, some friendships have faded, I haven’t contributed to our household finances in two years, I’ve been misunderstood and judged for my needs, I’ve felt shame often for my “not enough” -ness.
Do you see what I mean about layers? Though the instigating event maybe “one thing”, the fallout doesn’t fit neatly into its own box. It overflows and impacts nearly everything else.
The same is true with a one-time event. Perhaps the “one thing” is that someone’s spouse passed away. That one event creates many layers of loss: they may have also lost a companion, provider, lover, and friend. Or perhaps their relationship was hard and with the death of their spouse they also lost any hope of healing in the relationship. Their age, life stage, family situation, etc will also add layers of loss and complexity to their suffering, and in each season beyond the loss more things will be found to grieve.
Like the part of the iceberg visible above the water, the nameable source of suffering may be obvious and straightforward. But like the much larger part of the iceberg that lurks below the surface, so too are the many layers of suffering we may experience through one event.
3. Suffering and Joy Can Co-exist
I used to think that life was a math equation. Joy was positive, suffering was negative. (+3) joys + (-5) sufferings = (-2) life is bad. But during a very hard season, I discovered the concept of and.
And.
It’s a simple and innocent word, but it may be one of the most powerful. “But” implies that one thing cancels something else out (“at least” is another way to say “but”), while and allows joy and suffering to coexist in the same space.
For example, a few ways I’ve done this recently:
The other night I couldn’t sleep and I was so frustrated I wanted to punch the wall, and I enjoyed looking at the stars which were so clear and bright.
I’m really dizzy and can’t drive today which is really frustrating, and I got to FaceTime with my nephews and nieces who bring me so much joy.
Where you tempted to substitute “but” or “at least” for the “and” in the examples above? Me to! I actually had to retype them because I first wrote “but”. It’s natural to want to try to cancel out the bad, because who actually wants the bad stuff?! Beginning to use “and” allows us to acknowledge the hard and give thanks for the joys, even in the same moment.
This concept is linked to lament, a template we see throughout the Psalms for processing pain and suffering:
Psalm 13
(Lament, expressing suffering)
1 How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long will I store up anxious concerns within me,
agony in my mind every day?
How long will my enemy dominate me?3 Consider me and answer, Lord my God.
Restore brightness to my eyes;
otherwise, I will sleep in death.
4 My enemy will say, “I have triumphed over him,”
and my foes will rejoice because I am shaken.(Joy, acknowledging truth)
5 But I have trusted in your faithful love;
my heart will rejoice in your deliverance.
6 I will sing to the Lord
because he has treated me generously.(I’m not a Hebrew scholar by any means, but the “but” in verse 5 does not appear to be in the original Hebrew as best I can tell, it’s just “I have trusted”.)
If we pause to pay close attention, we will find that suffering and joy can exist in the same circumstance.
Up Next:
3 Benefits of Suffering
3 Ways to Bear With Others Who Are Suffering
3 DO’s and DON’Ts for Suffering
Resources for Suffering