If you had told me when I was graduating college that in ten years I would be well-qualified to write about suffering, I would have scoffed. I didn’t even really believe in suffering back then, I thought most people who were “suffering” were whiners who were the victims of their own poor planning that just needed to suck it up and try harder. I naively thought life would go the way I planned it: smoothly, successfully, with very few inconveniences and detours.
Yeah. About that. I’ve been eating crow for a while now and it doesn’t taste good.
At one point or another, we will all experience suffering. How we experience suffering is the part that’s yet to be determined. Our view of God and our relationships with others greatly impact how we experience hard things.
Many false ideas have crept in around the causation and purpose of suffering. We may incorrectly believe things like:
If God loves us, we won’t suffer. Therefore, if you’re suffering, something must be wrong with you because obviously God doesn’t love you.
If we pray with enough faith, our suffering will go away. Therefore, if you’re still suffering, you must not have enough faith.
We’re supposed to rejoice in all circumstances. Therefore, expressing hard feelings has no place.
Or maybe we value “ministry” in the form of official and public programs above ministry in the form of private care for people. Or maybe we’re uncomfortable with someone else’s hard because it forces us to face our own vulnerability- which is scary.
Throughout the years, I’ve been on the receiving end of so much love and care from fellow believers through times of suffering. Prayer, texts of encouragement, meals, and more- all kinds of ways that people have supported and cared for me and my family through the multiple (some still ongoing) crises we’ve experienced. Sadly though, I’ve also been on the receiving end of judgement and indifference from fellow believers when I really needed kindness and compassion.
Suffering has been extensively written about, and the reality is there are so many types of and layers to suffering that we humans can never thoroughly do it justice. I don’t pretend to fully understand it all, but I am deeply familiar with the lived, daily experience of suffering.
As such, this is my humble attempt to communicate several key truths about suffering. If you’re a sufferer, I hope they will encourage you by reminding you (as writing it has done for me) of the truth you already know, and renew your resolve to love other sufferers well within your own limitations. If you’re more like I was ten years ago and think suffering is self-imposed pish posh, I hope these words will give you some context for thinking about suffering, practical tips to cultivate empathy and care for those around you who are suffering, and the start of a foundation to process the suffering you will inevitably experience at some point in your life.
Coming up in this series:
Resources for Suffering
Thank you for sharing your life and learnings through Smatterings. You've helped me grow in my walk with Christ. I'm praying for you and your family!