"So Don't Get A Lot Of Stuff"
In my dad’s last few days of life, as his body began to shut down and he was in and out of consciousness, he mumbled a lot. It sounded like he was processing his life and reflecting on what was good and where he had regrets. One mumbled conversation my sister had with him sticks with me:
Dad: “So don’t do that.”
Sis: “Don’t do what?”
Dad: “Don’t get a lot of stuff.”
Growing up, Dad was often busy working. If he wasn’t at the office, he was working around the house or on a rental. I remember him saying things like “I’m doing this for you guys” with an irritated tone because 12 year old me didn’t appreciate a vacation house, a sailboat, and all the rest the way he wanted me to. And not only did I not want the “stuff”, I grew to resent it. From a kid’s perspective, it seemed like Dad might have loved that “stuff” a little more than he loved us. All I really wanted was time with a dad who was interested in me.
My dad grew up in the suburbs of Detroit, with five siblings in 900 square feet on a postage stamp lot, and lost his dad to cancer at 17. Based on the few stories he told me about his childhood, I would surmise that his home life was unstable at best. As I’ve experienced more life and learned more about trauma, I can understand how his childhood might have created a strong need in him to seek security and control any way he could find it. I have to guess that this is one of the reasons behind Dad’s motivation to acquire material possessions. In the world’s eyes, “stuff” says you made it. “Stuff” says you’re safe.
But Dad’s effort to gain security through “stuff” cost him something. It cost him a measure of the relational security he could have had with us if he had pursued his family with the same vigor he pursued the things that the world says means you “made it.” As an adult, I can see how his pursuit of “stuff” might have been an effort to give us what he never had, and therefore maybe it actually was an expression of his love for us. But as a child, I couldn’t see that. I just wanted him to be interested in me.
I’m reading through James and recently pondered on this passage for a while:
Believers who are poor have something to boast about, for God has honored them. And those who are rich should boast that God has humbled them. They will fade away like a little flower in the field. The hot sun rises and the grass withers; the little flower droops and falls, and its beauty fades away. In the same way, the rich will fade away with all of their achievements. James 1:9-11 NLT
It seems upside down to say that God honors people with poorness, but I think the takeaway is that “stuff” doesn’t last and can’t give us the security we’re searching for- only a relationship with Christ and all that we gain through that relationship, will fill this need in us. Pursuing “stuff” in an effort to meet a need in ourselves will end in regret and emptiness. Only in Christ can we be truly secure.
I wish Dad had realized that sooner. I wish I had gotten to experience more time with a dad who felt so secure and safe in his relationship with Jesus that he could give us more of just himself, without having to prove anything to anyone.
So don't get a lot of stuff.
I can’t change the past, but I carry these words of his with me as a balm to my little girl soul, and more importantly, as a reminder to myself that stuff isn’t important- it will all wither, droop and fade. My security must come from Jesus alone, and that is what gives me the freedom to prioritize people over “stuff”.
-Moriah
We have only one life
And it soon will pass
And only what's done
For Christ will last
Jesus, You can use me LordRiches and houses
Cars and lands
Will all pass away
But my life will stand
Jesus, You can use me Lord-Leeland
I’m listening to…
→ This podcast on how to deal with difficult passages in the Bible
→ This podcast on praying for healing
→ This podcast on the history of Halloween
I’m reading…
→ At Home in Mitford - Jan Karon
I’ve read this series before, but it’s been a while so I’m re-reading it. I’m currently on the second book. It’s a cozy and clean series and I love it so much.
→ Trusting God - Jerry Bridges
My counselor recommended this one to me. I’m only a few chapters in but it’s really good so far. Not a “feel good” good, it’s like a “kick-in-the-pants pep-talk” good.
I’m loving…
I can’t tell you how many conversations this starts, or how many times I catch myself staring at it, thinking things like “wow, Algeria is huge and almost all desert. I wonder what it’s like to live there?” or “how did Chile and Argentina decide that’s how they’d split up?” It’s so interesting.
This book is a great companion to a map. It gives background on each country and how you can pray for the people.
I’m quoting… *New section!*
A thought on conduct for election season:
"I met those of our society who had votes in the ensuing election, and advised them to vote, without fee or reward, for the person they judged most worthy, to speak no evil of the person they voted against, and to take care their spirits were not sharpened against those that voted on the other side.”
-John Wesley
I’m cooking…
My very favorite super-simple one-pan fall dinner!
→ Fall Baked Pork Chops
Makes 6 servings
Peel, cube, and spread on the bottom of a glass baking dish:
6 sweet potatoes
2 red apples
Peel and thinly slice and add to baking dish:
1-2 onions
Sprinkle with salt and dried Thyme. Place on top:
6 bone-in pork chops
Sprinkle again with salt and dried Thyme. Cover with foil and bake at 400’F for 30-40 minutes or until potatoes and onions are soft and pork chops are no longer pink in the middle.