5 Things Kids Need Dads To Do
The presence and involvement of dads is so important- far more important than our culture seems to think it is. Did you know? 71% of highschool dropouts and 85% of imprisoned youth have one thing in common: no dad in the home. Arguably, I’m not the right person to be writing an exhortation to fathers, seeing as how I’m not a man, I don’t have children, and I have no formal parenting credentials. But I once was a child, and now as an adult I am starting to see the deep, deep way our relationships with our dads in childhood affect our adult lives for better or worse. So I’m going to take a stab at it anyway. Dads, here are five things your kids need you to do:
1. Kids need you to show them, to the best of your ability, what our Heavenly Father is like.
Dads, our earthly father is the first framework we have of what a father is and how God is our Father. Prioritize getting to truly know God as your heavenly Father. The more you understand and personally experience who God is and how He cares for and nurtures you, the more able you will be to paint a healthy picture of who God is for your kids. You may need to unpack your relationship with your earthly dad to figure out if you yourself are believing things about God that are not true. Because if you don’t recognize and address those wrong beliefs, odds are good that you will inadvertently pass those beliefs along to your kids through how you parent them.
2. Kids need you to show them how our good Father disciplines us to teach us and bring us closer to Him, not to condemn us, exact a desired behavior from us, or push us away until we can figure out how to “be good again”.
Dads, your kids need to know that you love them for them, not for what they do for you or how they make or break your public image. They need you to show them that discipline isn’t about separation, it’s about restoration… that a good Father disciplines us in order to bring us back to relationship with Him, not to put up barriers between Him and us. They need to know that discipline is about sinful actions, and isn’t a condemnation of them as people. They need to experience full and complete forgiveness, no take backs.
3. Kids need you to show them how to live a life that honors God.
Dads, your kids need you to show them how, even if they don’t know it yet or it seems like they don’t notice. They need you to show them how a godly man loves and serves his wife. They need you to show them how to put God first in how you spend your time and money. They need you to model humility by quickly owning and apologizing when you mess up, big or small. They need you to show them how to value, respect, and care for people, and a key way this happens is giving them the firsthand experience of what being valued, respected, and cared for is like.
4. Kids need you to show them the value and goodness of differences.
Dads, your kids need you to love and encourage their uniqueness, not push them to conform to a preconceived box you might want them to fit in. This isn’t a tolerance of sinful behavior or choices, this is about celebrating and encouraging the unique ways God made your child(ren), and the unique gifts and abilities they have. Look for ways to lead your kids to develop and use their giftings and abilities even if (especially if?) they are outside your comfort zone or they poke at your own insecurities. Help them to grasp the value of differences and encourage them to pursue their gifts for the good of the gospel and the good of others.
5. Kids need you to show them that they are worth your time and undivided attention.
Dads, your kids need you to be interested and engaged in them and what they enjoy, with the same level of enthusiasm and focus that you are interested and engaged in your work and hobbies. They want you to pay attention and observe what they like, and join them in it. I’m not saying that your life should revolve around your kids. What I am saying is if your go-to for quality time is taking your kids along to do the things that you want to do and you only rarely spend time doing what they enjoy doing, it’s possible that choice is translating to your kid(s) as “my stuff is more valuable to me than you are”. Making sure the time you do spend with them is time where you are fully present without distractions (looking at you, phones), is important. Kids notice when someone is mentally or emotionally disconnected.
In summary: Dear dads, you have a huge impact on how your kids will understand God as they grow into adults. While perfection is neither possible nor required, may this be an encouragement to do your best to be careful and intentional about what image of “father” you impress on them.
And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. Deuteronomy 6:7
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Ephesians 6:4